Everything I would Hide

Thin as Paper

2009-11-19T11:36:23Z

I choose to still believe despite the struggles that accumulate from the distractions of nonsensical axioms that exist in unseen ranges. I live even though the chords are torn. I'm thin as paper and forgotten even though I remember it so clearly. Swiftly I hope the coldness flees. I can't feel my fingertips and I organize the pain into schemes that only my mind can see. You can't add me up but I want more than the forged life you perceive. The actions mumble profligate motives which create my moments of extreme aversions. I open my eyes just as the light beams blind my indifference and asphyxiate the last focus before fate takes over.

Surmise Our Demise

2009-10-11T03:18:00Z

I'm walking inside my head. I trap your memory inside my thoughts and I relapse into that faraway place. My constant duration keeps you nowhere near. Engaging in your sounds I stay deaf to the truth because they remind my admiration of touching your skin. I feel it wither inside my hand but I haven't let go. Hope still shakes me to the core because I can only surmise our demise. You left me brilliantly and I will run my course.

Descriptions

2009-10-05T03:49:57Z

You have given face to the names of the blames that target my head. You felt me so well that I take your place and hope you can one day understand my plans. Whatever were you looking for? I just don't bother anymore and still don't look for another. Things became better and all I want to do is fill your day with my descriptions of all the things I've done. Our arguments are better apart and we wasted the deeper conversations with agreements to all of our despairs. We begin to lose feelings and my light slightly dims when you decide to let go.

Brick by Brick

2009-09-28T18:39:15Z

Everything isnt quite as it seems. I'm still falling. I pass the currents off your lips and eyes. You fade into smoke. I dip into the pool of insignificance. Finding you there I leave before you speak. The storm passed and I rebuild what it destroyed. I couldn't stop any of this from happening. I know how I feel and the dreams become unsubstantial. These are the walls I am. You helped me build them brick by brick.

Curisoity

2009-09-03T22:36:23Z

Don't check my pockets because they may reveal what I stole from you. I couldn't find your heart but it could never truly be mine. Experience told me someone took it from you and you still don't quite know how to answer that riddle. Your darkened skies may be your haven but I look straight into the sun. Passing through streets I find my life. My days are numbered but your curiosity rests nicely in my pocket.

Lost in Our Days

2009-09-02T08:21:37Z

I close my heart. Bringing the situations closer to my face I begin to grin. My blood slowly boils but my mind remains cool. I empty the filter that builds up in my throat. All the things you should have heard go down the drain. You never read the letters signed by my name because it all became too much to acculturate. I still carve your epithet inside my dreams and hold your unspoken questions so tight. I wanted to sail away. Let sunsets and moonbeams follow as we get lost in our days but I'll settle just for the truth. My intentions release me but you still fracture my closure. Let me out and I'll dance in the wind. I still want to enter your restricted earth. Build my own city on your meadows but I know I just don't belong in your world.

Throw Out the Door

2009-07-09T07:00:20Z

I reached out and even the memory was no longer there. I belong to no home. I come and go but I would rather stay in one place. Insincerely, I gather your dreams and walk them out the window as you throw out the door. I am suddenly beautiful but believe nothing except all the human wrong. Everything becomes forever and acceptance becomes a dead end. Pulling shit together I surround myself with stars. I still feel so old and my other self would rather sleep tonight. I sit contained in cracks and wait for mid afternoon. I'm farther than ever and pushing the pace to clouds breaking.

Shrapnel of My Mind

2009-07-09T02:26:46Z

I've traveled so far into loneliness and the fortune is that I've remained alive. The cost is the continuous mending of my heart with shrapnel of my mind. I'm cheating on loneliness and my lover is the dreamer. Stepping over the fence, I hope to get lost from everything I've ever known. It's finally time and my defeats lay to rest one experience at a time. I rage into the wind and his thunder increases the intensity of my insane past lives. My love is in infancy even though my body surpassed adolescence a long time ago. My true reflection carries past realism and breaks all abstract barriers. Welcoming your broken wing, I wear your affection as a necklace hidden by my father's old t-shirt. I dropped my brokenness in an attempt to fix the truth. Collected chaos reminds me that love is disguised and all I need to do is open my eyes.

Pandora

2009-06-29T21:22:48Z

This Pandora box, full of letters, contains ethical complications. Inside lays the combination to a secret society. Its hidden among the everyday people trying to be all the things they aren’t. Their attire is bare skin with their hurt disguised as magnificence. Everyone here has their reasons but my hands only hold the wrong ones. The darkness gathering loves my light but I’m too damaged even for the beautifully damned. I’ve withdrawn my application after emptying each vial. This prevailing energy contained inside these walls could change the world but instead my sensitivity hardens with its disparaging force. Feeling the sweat of twisted pulsations, I crawl out the archway of this jaded ballroom full of brightly colored lights. They flash to rhythms I try to intone but I collapse from the trance. My corresponding obstacles reach overload and dry heaves are all I can produce. Even Pandora cannot breathe underneath the malevolence she let loose. Screams of an unknown soul remind me of how sorry I am as I kneel outside the carnal carnival. Wearing my hood to hide, I try to survive the effects of my own personal assaults before they take over. Hope whispers in my ear over the roar of elemental compounds but I just wish the sunrise would turn back around as I know my innocence is gone.

Worthless Objects

2009-06-21T02:28:37Z

This has never felt good. I’ve been waiting for it for so long that it has taken over. Never an option, I lay dormant. All of the reasons hold little importance to me. The disappearance comes first but I have so many more appearances to make. I’m ready to cash in the experiences before the final plunge. Carrying worthless objects stored in my brain, I don’t wish you were here. I’m supposed to rise above it all but for once I hold space. Sing me a symphony and I’ll break your heart. Whisper nothing and I’ll never want to part. My overreactions are legendary. They equal your piercing silence.

Discover Me

2009-06-19T07:28:16Z

I fell from each balcony you stood on. My arms hang around every chair you once sat in but I’m getting so tired. Bombarded, I take a kneel instead of a stand. I’m still in mourning. Sadness still fills my pores. I felt you move on as easily as the years contour my spine. Are you awake? You are closer but farther than I’ve ever known you to be. I suspect I never really knew you as you remain guarded but aware of everything you caused me to be. Blue diamonds encrust your eyes and one freckle remains in mine. Worry sweats out of my palms and I’m still waiting for you to discover me.

Shedding

2009-06-17T02:46:56Z

My stomach gets tight. This precious pressure releases and I live in outstanding ways. I sink and float between the memories of you. Trapped in an endless sea of reoccurrences I make way to dry land. It started in early days. I forsook your apparent masculinity and discovered my own truth. Reborn into a life you never wanted to be part of, I left to find myself. I wasn’t the boy you wanted to relate to nor the man you could ever love. I try all that I can to forget your world and name. Your darkness remains in my shadows and I dread the daylight because it makes me see your violence. I inflict it on myself because that’s what I learned from you. I transcend the painful blows into self hatred and hammer your vile voiceovers into regret. Every lingering failure has your face stamped on it as it appears and disappears from my psyche. Your cowardice completes my desire to try everything at least once. I limp towards the future one difficult step at a time. I took the road that leads away from you. I can make it without your approval and I hear something else coming for me. It’s the independence singing and you won’t drag me back down. My soul takes over and I create my freedom from childhood worry. It’s over because I said it’s over. I try to show how I feel inside but I still wear you on the outside. Shedding my father, my inner light begins to shine through. I just wish I could have found myself earlier.

Swift Exodus

2009-05-11T05:07:05Z

I counter the truth, pushing actuality a little more to the left. I halt my evolution for another day. Your love lost, I cry ever within this. I can’t think of anywhere else I want to be tonight. My bed quietly weeps. You have been gone for too long and my belated concurrence to these sentiments relentlessly impresses my soul. We cover this condemned certainty with frivolous expressions. I consent because we fight the years against sadness every single day and try to embrace anything before it slips away. I dreamed the worst about you. Took all my disappointments and channeled them into assumptions of you. I missed you so much. Your swift exodus quickly turned my morning into evening. Now, I kneel because I have no feet to stand on when it comes to you. We know the underlying truth.

Quixotic Threads

2009-05-09T16:05:48Z

Looking back, you were more of an experiment. You quickly ignited my sensitivity but our days were numbered from the start. This was all part of the increasing pattern that my quixotic threads weaved throughout these years. I covered your grief admirably but the strain of your loss continued to reverberate inside your heart. I gave a new name to the anxiety you tried to displace and I was only one day apart from continued loneliness. The truth was right as rain and before you could look me in the eyes I was gone. You killed me in such a minute fashion.

My attempts to purge you from my life were adequate. Moving on was relative when you already started the incision as another would complete the cut. My struggled thoughts still turn to you but my senses burst warning signs. I’ve changed over and over but the inside remains similar to our dissimilarities. Your apologies politely dropped out of your mouth but maladroitly fell from my ears. I wedged them into my front t-shirt pocket. Occasionally I’ll listen to them because they bring me back to those few days of contentment before the moments of experienced happiness turned to dust. This combined with rain created my strength but when you reach out I feel the hairline crack in my armor. My desperation relaxes just a little but not nearly enough to make this all become real.

Youthful Things

2009-05-07T03:27:20Z

Somehow I have still maintained the blame. This journey has been a maze and I haven’t found my way out. Inside my imagination, you were trapped in my heart. Deep down I knew they were just wishes. Accurate judgments dissolved those loosely bound dreams. I always wanted to say the words out loud but instead chased youthful things. I took a chance but didn’t quite give my everything. Time left without recourse and I only listened to the memories. When did we start living our lives apart? I try to drift but my impatience drives the sense out of my mind. How lucky you are to be an hour ahead.

Conceptual Beauty

2009-04-30T02:13:22Z

I need some conceptual beauty in my life. Running into you, I coerce the excuses and limit myself with seemingly dubious margins. I have no idea if the best is yet to come. I could extend my fondness past abnormal affection but you grin from the inside and it comes out swaggering. You show me the same curiosity as to so many others. Your touch is perfect as it is perplexing. It clashes with your demeanor. I rebound from swallowing years of extreme complexities. You simplify my contemplation into a one-dimensional need. There never were prior commitments, only forged impressions conceived by unusual and mistaken circumstances. Your departure was always expected but running into you is a continuous surprise. I double up in the inside. I must always maintain my composure around you. I’ve played the game before and this time I elude the capture of what’s left of my heart. The train sweeps me away as I clearly see you look back as I go. This is easier than falling. This is accepting on a complete level before it becomes too late.

Understand Misunderstandings

2009-04-22T04:07:19Z

You grazed my heart with a bullet meant for my brain. Your intervention became my invention. I stall the urgency just enough before I encounter the wrongs. I can't help but follow you into the night. You always were beyond right. There are still sad things we will never know. We are corresponding obstacles and our negativity drops like rain. Circumstances salvaged all the love from me but you established dreams again. Bringing me out of shadows we tried so hard to understand our misunderstandings.

Deep Exhales

2009-04-21T03:05:09Z

You know the words to say to get everything from me. I sound out the vowels in your actions. I translate the mind flashes into syllables. The reverberations become words. I take it one sentence at a time. I crawl into hyper speed. I'm ready to take off but I can't leave the conglomeration of letters before they systematically form conversations. Deep exhales. This is where love begins. I take it apart because I have so much to learn about how it works. I care where my harm goes. This time I promise I won't let my jealousy get in the way.

Set Free

2009-04-21T01:34:42Z

My mind is open tight. Bring it back but just ever so slightly. Become closer to me. Multiply my extinction by letting me see your agenda. It's not alright loving you like like this. Its an upward spiral into insanity. Heading farther up from the ground all I can do is close my eyes. I can't feel your touch anymore but you amplify my hues. You meant so much to me that I can't even think of another next to me. Why couldn't we just enjoy the beauty of us? What is the name of that which radiates from you? I'm touched beyond my deepest faith. I can't understand what is happening to me. It all happened so fast. I try my best to chronicle every event but they remain untouched in my head. My mind protects them because getting them out would mean letting go. I tried to put the feelings into words but they all came out wrong. I'm bursting from the delay. I've wasted too many seconds. They turned into minutes. I disregarded the hours and they turned into days. The months pass me by and still I hold on to the fleeting years. You held me in your hand and my heart swelled. My eyes are closed but your unbiased truth opens them. I run past the darkness. It chases but will never catch me again. I give you my love without the conditions this time. I am set free.

Couldn't Be

2009-04-15T19:05:08Z

Owning the words my actions proclaim, lets see how dark my heart can be. The only feeling I recognize is the pain you created. You are subliminal because we both had our reasons. Stretching until tearing my mind lays in between. Thoughts are skewed and my bones cannot be budged. Neither can I dream tonight but gladly welcome the nightmares. We ran off the brink of no return. I really thought we could fly but it just couldn't be. I fall for you over and over again. What happened was never intended but you were impossible to reach. The only way was to love you afar.

Fuel My Fire

2009-04-10T01:56:06Z

I no longer feel your rush. Riding the skirts of leather you have no idea how you look. Switch it up and your conviviality will be destroyed. I come back day after day and you secretly eat your own words. Nothing to prove you better leap before you look. Making way for the truth, I tackle it without abandonment and exclude from unawareness. Pulling strength from places unknown I spill the blood coming straight from my heart. I willingly stay and you have no idea how to take me. Turn your back and release your concealed jealousy into absurd thoughts you speak. Your assessment presume worthless and your bark remains bitter than your bite. Keep it coming. I need your jaded experiences to fuel my fire. I don't take your violations personally and disregard your unfair opinions. My boiling point has further to go. It's wrapped in now but not ever. You no longer have a choice and your persuasiveness escapes my personal judgment.

Like a Whisper

2009-02-18T03:41:50Z

Your electricity always finds a place in my heart. I make peace with the truth. I tack it one corner at a time and my abandonment desperately seeks youth. Time is snared and entangled in the grimes of unawareness. Paying way too much for nothing I ride your magic carpet to reach your heights. I see what you hear as the skyscrapers I built fall without sound. It’s time to be someone else for a while. My risk awakens and my practicality is not solid enough to hold. We are particles combined but our reasons negate the outcomes. Our moments loosely string together. I wear them proudly but I’m the only one who sees them. You hit me like a whisper. I barely feel it but somehow I’ve changed.

1,000 Tears

2009-02-12T02:15:26Z

Daylight puts me to sleep and forgetting you puts me closer to slumber. It was you that I wanted most to sell my soul to. Now I take my turn but stop me before I break. The insincere words you say calmly register inside my brain. For every gain, I have cried 1,000 tears. There is still more to forgo and so much to overlook. Encounter me in dreams and terrify yourself in reality. I squirm in between your thoughts and trample on your synapses. You don’t turn back but still liquefy my fear into smoke. I cough up dread and phobias follow my shadows until they become one with the night. I would never forsake this feeling but beautiful is no longer a choice.

Imposing Wishes Adhere

2009-02-04T04:23:01Z

I try to filter the anger into anything less menacing. My driving force turns into careless laughter and I melt into the ridiculousness of it all. I’m covered in aloof snow from head to feet. It’s getting colder and soon my heart will be unfeeling ice. My blood no longer pumps and yet again I run this race solo. Forgetting is never easy and I float straight to the ground. The ground swells with everything I know with the skies turning dark the more I grow old. Trying is my old hat and I hesitate to believe in anything. You hide inside the omission of your candidacy. Nothing comes to life and all I feel is the emptiness trying to be filled. I try to separate the falseness but imposing wishes adhere to my dreams. I have nothing more to say but pleas that plummet onto your deaf ears.

Closer to Slumber

2009-02-02T02:24:54Z

I say your name out loud but you don’t appear. We always wanted miracles and wonder but we exchanged them instead for our hearts desire. I round the edge that never ends. You just simply don’t come again. It only takes a moment for the years to overwhelm me all at once. Out tongues created friction. Even you cannot deny the electric spark. I curse my sobriety for a minute and then take a hit of you. I could tell you I love you again but where would you be but still so far and away. The circumstances still rise against me so I bottle up these dreams in hopes to assume and then transcend. I handle them with kid gloves and auction them for sale. Maybe this will bring me that much closer to slumber.